what did you expect, baby?
she warned you already, long ago, never to do this
but you were never smart about boys. you give them
everything accidentally. You swear it was an accident.
maybe you meant it
do you already feel yourself detaching? reattaching,
friendships reassembling. dissolving like daphnia under ethanol
your roots
are running away. your ears love the sound of forever but
your heart is terrified of the impermanence of those 3 syllables.
what significance do they have anyway?
you couldn't say them back. not ready. don't want to
hurt, myself or anyone
love is a state of being, in any case
because you know when it's over
(you cannot permit yourself to think about the word
"if," as if it could be a possibility)
you will feel so alone, more alone than now,
don't you dare forget how fought your way out of there, baby,
last time,
all for a boy who never cared.
and what about this time?
you aren't sure if you're more scared of hurting him
or losing him
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