thoughts on wandering

im reading through some of the things i used to write
real life fanfictions
and thinking "i can't handle this anymore"

because the worst mistake i ever made
was thinking that people don't change
and planning into the future according to now

when i look back into the past i see only naivety
where there was once a girl

i told her the past is always sad
and she said she wasn't inclined to agree
but i don't think the way she does
i am not as focused or motivated
too much of my life is spent on wandering aimlessly

"but that is the only way you can find yourself!"
that is what they say
but individuality means less to me than it did before
and i do not live to find my identity

because in the end, there are no replacements
even for a person who was by all means ordinary

but we are always inclined to analyse and read into
every little detail
we who need definition and clarity
confused by things that have no beginning or end,
but which existed and are now over